The best part (and maybe only good part) of working outside in the winter is coveralls to hide my big fat butt.
But I really can’t wait till spring and summer when it gets hot. Then I will be motivated by the good weather to work harder and get into better shape. When you have an outdoor job, it’s just easier to put in more effort when it’s not rainy or cold.
So I look at other thinspo or fitspo blogs. I am always interested in seeing other people’s goals. I try to follow girls that have similar height and weight goals as me. I always feel awkward when I see a blog where the UGW is my SW - especially when it’s a girl that is shorter than me.
Seriously, I know that I am fat. I can see it hang off of me. I can grab it.
that’s it. that’s my problem. I’m not anorexic. I’m orthorexic. <roll eyes>
Someone reblogged my healthy food photo where I say that we need to stop calling fruits and vegetables “healthy food” and start calling greasy meats and potatoes “wannabe food” or really “unhealthy food.”
Apparently “life is too short to stress over food.” And being obsessed with eating only the “right or correct” foods is called orthorexia. Well excuse me for not wanting to die from (or suffer living through) some first world non-infectious disease caused by a crappy diet.
orthorexia…. bahahahahaha, I cannot believe that some doctor somewhere decided to give a label to the desire to be healthy.
My mother is 400 pounds. She is also a hoarder. I am staying at my parents house and two seconds from having a panic attack.
She decided to give me her Christmas decorations. Honestly, I thought it would a tree and maybe four boxes of decorations. OMG. The stream of boxes never ends and she wants me to organize them and they are filthy.
If I don’t eat, then my stomach doesn’t hurt. But I cannot function because I am so tired. Yeah I know, eat something that doesn’t make my stomach hurt. Yup that’s it, I should live on bananas and rice. I tried that once and I never pooped: problem!
I asked for a blender for Christmas. Maybe I can live on smoothies. They aren’t too painful. It would be enough energy to keep me awake for work. And as for the pooping, at least I won’t be constipated.
Who does this?! I spend so much time thinking: Will this food hurt? Am I gonna puke? Will I get constipated? This can’t be normal and I really don’t want to do this for the rest of my life. Which is why sometimes it’s easier to just not eat.
So, I made the food comparison photo and no kidding the bottom photo is real American food - a typical southern diet: bbq ribs, pulled pork, cole slaw, french fries, baked beans, sausage, mashed potatoes, etc. A pile of greasy crap. And some people (folks that don’t live in the south) are reblogging it and saying what is that shit. lol. It’s what fat obese southern Americans eat - daily. That type of food is served everyday where I work. My colleagues all eat that garbage and stare at me for eating fruits and vegetables.
I have Crohn’s Disease… and have hated food my entire life. I’ve avoided food. Because of not eating much and when I did eat, my body rejected the food, I’ve been skinny my whole life. Except after they hospitalized me and force fed me. Funny how all that force feeding didn’t help me and I just kept getting more sick. Sometimes I wish they had just left me alone. Force feeding me resulted in pain and me gaining a ton of weight. My whole life I’d been skinny and beautiful and then I was fat so I have been fighting ever since to get back to my normal weight.
To me: food equals pain. I avoid pain. I am not sure if that makes me anorexic. Some days I just drink ensure or protein shakes so I don’t have to figure out which food will hurt the least. But one thing’s for sure, there are a lot of days that I wish I didn’t have to eat to live.
People see that I am avoiding foods or certain types of foods.
People pressure me into eating.
I give in and eat shit that I don’t want.
My stomach hurts and I feel fat so I hide out and avoid people.
EVERYONE (except me) looks around like, “What the fuck happened, she ate, why isn’t she happy?! I thought making her eat would make her feel better. Oh shit, she looks terrible. Is she running to the bathroom?”
Yeah, I am in this bathroom, shitting like a waterfall. Oh and by the way, I have Crohn’s. So pretty much, my feelings about food are fubar. In fact, I wish I didn’t have to eat to live.