"My whole life has been spent fighting a struggle to get out of poverty and be successful. Some days it seems like I will never make it. It’s lonely and it’s hard and every time life deals me a set-back, I want to scream and cry and break things. But I grin and bare it, like I always have, day in and day out. I fight for my dreams and try to stay classy."
I ain’t settling for just getting by I’ve had enough so so for the rest of my life Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high Just enough ain’t enough this time I ain’t settling for anything less than everything
this is the pic that totally changed my perception of what I can and cannot do
My thoughts: “Woah, she only has one leg. I have two and they work. Wow, she ran a marathon. No I can’t run a marathon, probably not even a mile. But I can try to run for a little bit, at least a tiny bit, maybe I can run half a mile. What if I have to poop while I’m running? What if I puke? It might hurt. I bet she fell when she first ran with that prosthetic. I probably won’t fall, maybe I should try. How cool would it be if I could run a half mile?”
"If it at first you don’t succeed, then… at least you tried and now you know: I better try something different."
Dear Upset Crohnie’s and Their Aggressive Defender’s,
Yea, I know chronic illnesses are on a spectrum; that’s why I said “try” not “do.” Crohn’s disables everyone that has Crohn’s. It disables their ability to process nutrition, etc. A “handicap” is the inability to “accomplish something.” Example: wheelchair ramps remove the handicap of getting into a building, doesn’t remove someone’s disability (i.e. lack of functional legs). Haven’t you ever heard someone in a wheelchair say, “I’m not handicapped, I have a disability, I can do things that other people can do, I just do them differently.”
For Crohn’s people, they can remove the handicap by taking painkillers (living differently). It removes their “inability to accomplish something” but doesn’t rid them of their disability. I am thankful for my life and I do take painkillers. I only said that I didn’t take painkillers when I was 14 years old.
To all those people that said “Good for you, you can do shit.” ”Aren’t you special?!” “You only posted this because you want a pat on the back for being successful.”
Don’t worry. I’ll flare. I’ll always do. I’ll probably shit my pants in public. I’ll still randomly puke. I’ll take pain meds and not being able to eat. I’ll pass out in the shower. My hair will keep falling out, my teeth will rot and I will keep getting bloody noses. I will probably get colon cancer and lose what’s left of my intestines. I might even die from Crohn’s Disease. blah, blah, blah, blah….
But that’s not today.
I get out of bed in the morning because tomorrow I might not be able to.
Pain killers do not equal lazy. I never said that. I was referencing things like refusing to pick up clothes that you take off because you have Crohn’s and cannot operate a laundry machine. Not doing basic life chores - perpetually. Yeah, have a sick week, have a sick month, have a sick year but don’t let your whole life be sick.
Resting does not equal lazy. Lazy is never trying to do anything beyond feeling sorry for myself.
I, in fact, took a pain killer (2) a couple hours ago and don’t consider myself lazy.
My ass exploded a month into my first semester of college. My roommates drove me to the ER and I got prepped for surgery. Five days later, I emerged from the morphine cloud, left the hospital and went back to the dorm.
After a couple days of me refusing to do anything (except stay in bed) or go anywhere, this girl, Karla, who I barely knew, knocked on my door and came into my room. She asked me how I was doing and I said that I just wanted to go home. She asked me if I wanted to finish college. I said, “Yeah, but I can’t, I’m sick. I just want to go home.” She said, “You have to get out of bed. You have to go to class. You can’t keep sitting in here day after day crying about being sick.” I basically told me her to GTFO. At the door, she looked back and said “Ok, but you should try to go to one class, just one, maybe an afternoon class, just try.”
I was livid. I thought “Who the hell does she think she is?! Coming in here, telling me what to do, she doesn’t know how bad I feel.” I was so angry that I didn’t speak to her for the rest of the semester.
But I did go to that one class. Just in case, maybe I didn’t have to quit.
I know…. give me a gold star and a badge of courage <rolls eyes>. Whatever. Yeah, I was harsh in my first post. Sorry.
Stop thinking you're better than everyone because you were able to get through everything with crohn's and have a successful life. I completely agree with many of your points, I do, but there are some people who literally can't get through college and just live. I don't know about you, but having back to back to back surgeries and not being ALLOWED to do anything but be in the hospital makes it a little hard to even complete an education.
“I don’t know about you” cause you’re anonymous.
I don’t think I am better than anyone. And I am not sure that I would say my life is “successful.” Most of the time, I think it is FUBAR (see my archives, I am a mess). I know it is hard to complete an education. I had two anuses during my B.A. (ridiculous fistula situation, cavity on my ass the size of a softball). One of my semesters was interrupted by a month long hospital stay. Multiple surgeries. Then I slept for two months. Something just told me that if I didn’t try at things like doing laundry, going to work, making friends, that I would always wonder things like “maybe I could have finished college? maybe I wouldn’t be lonely?”
I am just sick of reading articles where the tone is “Woe is me! I have Crohn’s. I am so weird. Everything is so difficult.” YEA, it’s difficult we get it. Cry, break things, scream but then LIVE or at least give it a try, you might even surprise yourself.
And those Crohn’s patients that are sitting in the hospital bleeding to death (literally), I bet they wish their only problems were belly pains and diarrhea. CARPE DIEM, if only for those that can’t.
Crohn’s patients, Stop handicapping yourself. Yea, we have a “disabling condition.” Doesn’t mean we’re handicapped. Stop disparaging and CARPE DIEM.
Disability vs. Handicap: A disabilityis an inability to execute some class of movements that typical unimpaired humans are able to execute. A handicap is an inability to accomplish something one might want to do, that most others around one are able to accomplish.
Ok, so yeah, we have a disability: we have pain and we randomly shit our pants or projectile vomit (inability to execute normal digestion). This does not mean that we need pain killers and have to stay in bed everyday. We can still accomplish things (not handicapped). It means that we need to plan better and work harder than other people. When I was 14, I went to Crohn’s camp. I realized something: Some people use Crohn’s as an excuse to be lazy, an excuse to skip school, an excuse to watch their lives pass by. Some of those kids didn’t even do normal chores like wash dishes or pick up their clothes. How do you ever expect to gain independence if you don’t even wash dishes or pick up your clothes?
I met a girl twelve years ago and we were both just high school students trying to deal with CD. She chose to stay in bed and take pain killers. I did not. I have two degrees, a decent job, a wonderful husband, etc. She dropped out of college, is divorced, addicted to pain killers and back living with her parents. She called me and asked, “When you had colonoscopies, how did you tell your profs that you needed to miss class for your colonoscopy prep?” I said, “I didn’t miss class for the prep. I chugged the laxative, went to class and sat close to the door. I tried to schedule the colonoscopies on Fridays or Saturdays, so I have a recovery weekend.” She says, “I cannot leave my house when I have diarrhea. And I am taking two days off after my colonoscopy.” WHAT! Maybe you need a whole week for a routine CD procedure, that’s cool, schedule it in July.
Toughen up now kids cause being a grown up is no joke. Taking lots of days off work will not get you a promotion. Staying in bed, high on narcotics will not help you get through college. Avoiding social situations because you are scared people will notice that you frequently use the restroom will not help you build relationships.
Stop complaining about how you cannot have or do things because you have Crohn’s Disease. Yeah, sometimes we’re gonna flare and we need to take a break. That doesn’t mean that we have to quit.
Be strong. Pursue your dreams. Trust me, it’s so worth it.
If you are reading this and you are in the hospital, hooked to machines, shitting blood, puking up everything, scared out of your mind, BE STRONG. I’ve been there and my heart goes out to you. It can get better. It will get better.
I have decided that I am not losing weight because I am not working out enough (even though I am working out more than I ever have in my entire life) and I am eating too much.
For once I started this mess before the New Year and have spent the last two weeks in muscle soreness and food anxiety hell. So for New Years I can actually kick it up a notch and lose weight.
Everyday, I will get my fat ass out of bed and go to the gym and workout enough to burn 500 calories. I will not eat more than 1000 calories a day (no dairy, no meat, no wheat).
I am willing to try this for a month. This will work. If after a month, I continue to see no results. Not only will I flip the fuck out but I will probably stop eating. I just want my winter clothes to fit before winter is over.