So I am freaking out right now. My husband’s sister invited us to a dinner party. If I don’t go, she will hate me even more. If I do go, she will hate me even more. She is fat and never loses an opportunity to point out my weight. I haven’t have anything today, except 4 chocolate chips, please please please have food there that I can eat without feeling guilty and ruining my day.
My husband is being deployed in less than a month and my big opportunity to hang out with him involves his bitch of a sister. Yes, bitch, the kind of bitch that would invite his ex-girlfriends out to dinner.
It’s morning and last night was terrible. We had family dinner, everyone sits together and my mother and husband analyze what I eat and I ate way too much. Then I purged.
To make up for yesterday, today I am aiming for nothing. We’ll see how that goes. I think if people wouldn’t constantly ask me if I am eating and what I ate, then I would be less stressed and better.
Speaking of stress. I am about to lose it. I am starting a new job on Aug 8th. We’re moving across the country (from mid-atlantic to down south) this week. And my husband is being deployed soon. Everything is about to change and I am not sure if I am ready when I think about my husband going to Iraq, I want to barf and I usually start crying. I got a puppy two months ago. He’s adorable and he always knows when I am upset even though everyone else ignores me. When I cry, he licks my tears off my face. It’s always makes me feel better.
Ok so, beginnings are scary. I tried to start this on July 1st. I was doing so well. I lost four pounds in a weekend. I was at the beach. I didn’t feel like swimming and I fell asleep on the beach. When I woke up, I tried to walk back to the condo and passed out twice. My husband freaked out and has been shoving food in my face ever since. Sigh. This is bullshit. I should be able to eat when I want to not when everyone else tells me to. Oh and I didn’t post a pic of myself, because my face is way too fat right now. Pic when I reach my GW1.
I am starting this blog because I have really had a tough year and learned a lot of hard lessons. One of the worst lessons that I have learned is that I cannot trust people around me. My supposed best friend has failed me miserably - pretty much I am not cool enough for her. Ok, whatever. My mother, well she’s a piece of work. She betrayed my trust really bad. My husband is sort of robotic and non-emotional and cannot even begin to help me.
I feel very much alone in this mixed up life of mine. And I am hoping that this blog can be some form of catharsis.